The world has gone tits up.

War, obesity, terrorism, pollution. Both Superman and Captain Planet would be struggling. Well, I think I might have found a possible root cause or even a potential solution to all our problems.

Our nation has a fixation with all things naked. I literally could not believe my eyes when I read about the latest ITV scandal. Fashion’s feared and ferocious twosome, Skinny Trinny and stern-faced Susannah’s latest campaign to get women out of badly-fitting bras and into snug, second skins has been slated and berated. On Wednesday night the on-screen style bible, Trinny and Susannah Undress the Nation, “dared” to show a few pairs of naked breasts before the sacred 9pm watershed.

Now I completely understand the importance of this cut-off point when it comes to extreme violence and explicit sexual content. I can just imagine parents trying to explain the logistical mechanics of the contorted images in a programme like Channel 4’s The Sex Inspectors. But for goodness sake. What is so disgusting, deplorable and dangerous about a pair of unclad mammary glands?

An ITV spokesman found himself having to justify the use of footage of women topless and in bras in the context of the show. Not only that, remember too that the fashionista twins were hammering home the importance of wearing the correct bra in order to prevent backache and sags or chaffing and bags. They may have been a little harsh in the process, but that’s not the point here.

The show was even condemned by family campaigners who said the use of bare breasts was against Ofcom guidelines. It used the adjective “gratuitous.” I don’t know about you, but I would call the blood baths of computer game Manhunt 2 gratuitous. Not an on-screen image of some middle-aged woman’s pendulous peaches. The educational and comic scenes were also described as offensive. John Beyer of Mediawatch said that “Ofcom has a duty to protect young people from this kind of thing." Protect them from what exactly? A naked body? Viewers have said that they were “deeply disturbed” by the level of nudity, particularly when having to explain it to their children. Is it any wonder this country is a mess?

The kind of people who have written in to complain about these images of topless women, which, might I point out, are about as provocative as a builder’s bum, are the kind of people who puritanically put a bikini top on a four year old child instead of letting her run around as God intended. They are the kind of people who would not dream of undressing in front of their child, let alone having a bath with them.

Kids grow up thinking that there is something shameful and dirty about being starkers in front of someone else. They also grow up referring to their genitals as fufu and winkie, or fanny and willie. And then we wonder why teenagers go nuts when they hit puberty and promptly hop into bed with anything that moves. I don’t think it’s unreasonable or even wildly inaccurate to suggest that perhaps this utterly unhealthy obsession with secrecy and privacy is in fact creating and perpetrating a generation of children who are body-conscious to the extreme.

There are few things in this world which are as beautiful as the naked human form. Why do you think museums all over the world are full to bursting with magnificent sculptures and paintings of beaux and belles in their birthday suits. Why should this be hidden and condemned as something unsightly and impure?

A few weeks ago, a sponsored walk of naturists along the cliffs of the Jurassic Coastal path in Dorset to raise money for the Marine Conservation Society was almost stopped and one innocent naked man arrested in response to public outcry. Toms, Dicks and Harriettes were scandalized at being confronted with a collection of significantly shrivelled penises braving the elements. The walkers were finally allowed to continue, but only once flanked on either side by a handful of rather red-faced coppers.

Perhaps there should be a World Nakedness Day on which people can go to the office, do the weekly grocery shop and complete their workout in the buff. Maybe then, people would learn to love one another for who and what they really are, but more importantly, learn to love themselves.